Proverbs 18:19 - Printer Friendly

ESV: A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

NIV: A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

NASB: A brother who is offended is harder to be won than a strong city, And quarrels are like the bars of a citadel.

CSB: An offended brother is harder to reach than a fortified city, and quarrels are like the bars of a fortress.

NLT: An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.

KJV: A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

NKJV: A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle.

Offense from those close to us—including friends and family—tends to cut deeper and cause more pain than the same insults from strangers. The prior verses (Proverbs 18:17–18) warned about rushing to judgment and the importance of objectivity. Here, Solomon sounds an alarm about the enhanced nature of conflict between "brothers." In this context, that can refer either to close friends or blood relatives.

Solomon poetically compares these rifts to well-defended cities or barred fortresses. By virtue of their walls, ancient cities are difficult to conquer compared to open terrain. The only two options were prolonged siege or suffering the losses of a direct assault. Likewise, a citadel or castle often includes bars meant to block entry. "Quarrels" that come between friends and family can be especially difficult to overcome.

Jesus said a person who is angry with his brother and recalls that his brother has something against him should leave his gift at the altar and first be reconciled to his brother before offering his gift (Matthew 5:23–24). The apostle Paul prescribes forgiveness as the antidote to a broken relationship. He counsels: "If one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive" (Colossians 3:13).

Proverbs 18:16–24 provides practical advice on a variety of matters. Other proverbs in this chapter are echoed in statements about objectivity and unity. Solomon addresses areas such as bribery, quarrels, reconciliation, the power of speech, marriage, and an unfortunate difference between the poor and the rich. The last remark in the section notes the difference between quality and quantity in friendships.

This segment of Solomon's wise sayings includes several well-known and often-repeated remarks. Among these are references to God's "name" as a place of safety, the connection between pride and catastrophe, the value of a godly spouse, and the intimate loyalty of a good friend. As in other parts of the book of Proverbs, these teachings are tied to warnings about the consequences of poor decisions.

Chapter 18 continues a long string of wise sayings attributed to Solomon. These began in chapter 10 and will continue through chapter 22. This section contains numerous references to fair-mindedness and seeking out truth from multiple sources. Diligent responsibility—in words, actions, and beliefs—is a notable emphasis in this segment.

Proverbs is best understood in context with the books of Ecclesiastes and Job. In Proverbs, “wisdom” is given in short, simple, general terms. Ecclesiastes represents wisdom based on observation and experience. This often shows how the general principles of the book of Proverbs don’t apply in absolutely every circumstance. Job represents wisdom based on the experience of suffering and injustice. All three come to the conclusion that God does indeed know best, and the most sensible course of action is to follow His will.